dhirajs98
01-22 09:12 AM
Received Date on my I-797 for my I-140 is 07/23/2007 and notice date is 08/20/07.
My I-140 is pending in NSC since last July 07. I asked my lawyer's office to check the status. USCIS replied back saying the receipt date in their database is 08/20/07 and it will take long time as they received alot of applications in July 07. USCIS asked my lawyer's office to contact after 45 days.
I thought they should process my I-140 based on the received date mentioned on I-797 but that is not true it seems.
Any idea guys? Anyone faced this issue? Please suggest, is there anything I can do to ask USCIS to process my app based on receipt date?
Also please share the phone number of NSC and sequence of keys to be pressed to reach to the customer service.
Thanks,
-D
My I-140 is pending in NSC since last July 07. I asked my lawyer's office to check the status. USCIS replied back saying the receipt date in their database is 08/20/07 and it will take long time as they received alot of applications in July 07. USCIS asked my lawyer's office to contact after 45 days.
I thought they should process my I-140 based on the received date mentioned on I-797 but that is not true it seems.
Any idea guys? Anyone faced this issue? Please suggest, is there anything I can do to ask USCIS to process my app based on receipt date?
Also please share the phone number of NSC and sequence of keys to be pressed to reach to the customer service.
Thanks,
-D
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gc_dedo
04-30 02:51 PM
working for me
I check the option in Real Player
Tools -> Preferences -> Connection-> Network Transport-> Use specific UDP ports
I check the option in Real Player
Tools -> Preferences -> Connection-> Network Transport-> Use specific UDP ports
vedicman
05-03 01:16 PM
Thanks, we expect some of the offices will say this. There can be lot of answers to this question. One way to respond is -
"For last 10 years there has been no High-skilled immigration bill passed by the Congress. The world has changed in last 10 years. I understand that the Senator is a champion for creating more jobs in America. Employment based green cards will create jobs in America. I want to start my own company and hire people in America. But I cannot do that if I don't have a green card.
I would sincerely request you to please convey to the Senator if he would consider supporting some version of the immigration bill
giving more weight to green cards and creating jobs in America, or maybe the Senator could lead the effort for improving the proposal"
Please always end the call on a cordial note thanking the Staff member.
This makes perfect sense, and thanks for the suggestion, it definitely came to use when I called the office today.
When my statement was put in this angle, Sen. Brown, Sen Greg, Sen McConnell's office took note of it, and thanked me. I told them that immigration is being held hostage with words like amnesty, and if such rhetoric is taken out, common solutions can be found between reps and dems.
"For last 10 years there has been no High-skilled immigration bill passed by the Congress. The world has changed in last 10 years. I understand that the Senator is a champion for creating more jobs in America. Employment based green cards will create jobs in America. I want to start my own company and hire people in America. But I cannot do that if I don't have a green card.
I would sincerely request you to please convey to the Senator if he would consider supporting some version of the immigration bill
giving more weight to green cards and creating jobs in America, or maybe the Senator could lead the effort for improving the proposal"
Please always end the call on a cordial note thanking the Staff member.
This makes perfect sense, and thanks for the suggestion, it definitely came to use when I called the office today.
When my statement was put in this angle, Sen. Brown, Sen Greg, Sen McConnell's office took note of it, and thanked me. I told them that immigration is being held hostage with words like amnesty, and if such rhetoric is taken out, common solutions can be found between reps and dems.
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logiclife
07-06 12:10 PM
There's nothing new there. Its silly actually. The later bulletin supersedes the previous bulletin and everyone knows that.
But they are just connecting the "flip" and the "flop" of their flip-flop of visa bulletin. They are saying that if you read "Flip", then "Flop" must be read too and if you read "Flop", then "Flip" must be read too, in order to make sense of the Flip-Flop.
Its like saying "I voted for current visa bulletin before I voted against it".
But they are just connecting the "flip" and the "flop" of their flip-flop of visa bulletin. They are saying that if you read "Flip", then "Flop" must be read too and if you read "Flop", then "Flip" must be read too, in order to make sense of the Flip-Flop.
Its like saying "I voted for current visa bulletin before I voted against it".
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vjkypally
07-19 10:02 AM
Can I start a new thread? If so how?
unseenguy
02-11 01:22 AM
OMG , what an utterly disgusting attitude !!! and on top of it, you are trying to "summarize" ???
I tried to stop myself from posting on this thread since it's based on one guy's circumstances and though I feel sorry for him ( the same way I feel sorry for all the wives and their families being extorted huge sum of money in the name of marriage ) , it's hard to judge these things knowing only one side of the story.
To each his own , but do you think your parents spent their whole lives bringing you up only to know that you think it's "legally" not right to help them monetarily ???? I guess, they should have not spent that extra money to send you to a good school/college or spend it on your tution classes and kicked you out of their house once you reach the age of 18 , like some parents do here ??? Man, it's hard for me to imagine how one can think like that about their parents.
When someone gets married they should be grown up enough to handle the money matters and put their foot down in case of any unreasonable demands, it applies to both husband and wife. The intricacies of the "Indian arranged marriage" are difficult to understand and the equations vary from case to case, so it's better not to come to a judgement and come out with something utterly nonsensical.
I'm sorry if my post is a bit rude , what rude comments beget rude reactions !
Yeah right. Your wife should cook for your parents all her life because you were sent to a good school by them.
I tried to stop myself from posting on this thread since it's based on one guy's circumstances and though I feel sorry for him ( the same way I feel sorry for all the wives and their families being extorted huge sum of money in the name of marriage ) , it's hard to judge these things knowing only one side of the story.
To each his own , but do you think your parents spent their whole lives bringing you up only to know that you think it's "legally" not right to help them monetarily ???? I guess, they should have not spent that extra money to send you to a good school/college or spend it on your tution classes and kicked you out of their house once you reach the age of 18 , like some parents do here ??? Man, it's hard for me to imagine how one can think like that about their parents.
When someone gets married they should be grown up enough to handle the money matters and put their foot down in case of any unreasonable demands, it applies to both husband and wife. The intricacies of the "Indian arranged marriage" are difficult to understand and the equations vary from case to case, so it's better not to come to a judgement and come out with something utterly nonsensical.
I'm sorry if my post is a bit rude , what rude comments beget rude reactions !
Yeah right. Your wife should cook for your parents all her life because you were sent to a good school by them.
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knnmbd
04-25 08:58 PM
Tell me, in any of the bills that came in 2005, PACE, CIR. Dream Act etc., or later, IS there even one mention or a discussion of changing the PD? Let's discuss more on how to bring out more into the open, the issues the H1 visa holders are facing from their small time employers in applying for permanent residence, backlog issues and how redtape is destroying these young men's goals, about lack of visa numbers.
Why there is even a provision in the last Senate bill, for illegals to SELF petition for GC, if employer doen't apply in 2 years. Let's discuss about a similar provision for H1 visa holders who are legally working here, paying taxes. Let's discuss even more important issue.
Why should we pay, SS Tax and Medicare if we are temporary workers. Let them START collecting once I-485 is applied.
This last point will resonate well with all It will be picked up easily; you will see the panic flying in the press, TVs, Senate and what not, when a simple mention of it is made.
These are the practical things we need to discuss. Not a theoritical PD definition, on which we have no locus standi.
This is the most outrageous and ridiculous stuff anyone could have heard. We want to change the laws of the land to benefit us. We are here because WE WANT TO BE HERE .No one is forcing us to work and pay SS tax and Medicare here. So what's next: No State tax too? We are lucky that the core IV team has accomplished so much in such a short time with limited resources. We need to push the amendments that will allow concurrent filing of I145, period, or we are jeopardizing any thing from going through.
Why there is even a provision in the last Senate bill, for illegals to SELF petition for GC, if employer doen't apply in 2 years. Let's discuss about a similar provision for H1 visa holders who are legally working here, paying taxes. Let's discuss even more important issue.
Why should we pay, SS Tax and Medicare if we are temporary workers. Let them START collecting once I-485 is applied.
This last point will resonate well with all It will be picked up easily; you will see the panic flying in the press, TVs, Senate and what not, when a simple mention of it is made.
These are the practical things we need to discuss. Not a theoritical PD definition, on which we have no locus standi.
This is the most outrageous and ridiculous stuff anyone could have heard. We want to change the laws of the land to benefit us. We are here because WE WANT TO BE HERE .No one is forcing us to work and pay SS tax and Medicare here. So what's next: No State tax too? We are lucky that the core IV team has accomplished so much in such a short time with limited resources. We need to push the amendments that will allow concurrent filing of I145, period, or we are jeopardizing any thing from going through.
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drona
07-20 04:56 PM
Sent you an email regarding your post.
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add78
06-11 09:41 AM
Even if one member donates $100 in one calendar year to IV, it will make a huge impact in your own cause. And that just comes to 27 cents a day!!!!. Think about how much you spend on a cup of coffee or that vending machine at work or tipping at restaurants or a hair salon, folks, I am sure you can set aside 27 cents a day to help your own cause. Please donate at least $100 in a year to IV. As you have already seen, this small investment does pay handily in rewards like July visa bulletin, Admin fixes, EADs and other numerous bills/fixes/reliefs.
Donate generously, and get others to join IV.
Thank You.
Donate generously, and get others to join IV.
Thank You.
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asharda
07-06 11:00 AM
My brothers in blood, please calm down… Mahatma Gandhi had his own way of fighting for freedom and so did Subhash Chandra Bose. They must have agreed and disagreed with each other on many things. But at the end of day, their motive was the same “Justice and Freedom”.
We might have our differences, our opinions and ways of doing things, but we need to understand that our motive is the same. We should stop bickering with each other and concentrate on the main goal. We should keep encouraging our members to join hands and unite and fight for the cause.
Though you might not agree with each other, you still need to see how severely the issue must have affected the other person which is why they are here and ready to fight.
Please pull your (s)words to fight the injustice rather than fight with each other.
PEACE!
We might have our differences, our opinions and ways of doing things, but we need to understand that our motive is the same. We should stop bickering with each other and concentrate on the main goal. We should keep encouraging our members to join hands and unite and fight for the cause.
Though you might not agree with each other, you still need to see how severely the issue must have affected the other person which is why they are here and ready to fight.
Please pull your (s)words to fight the injustice rather than fight with each other.
PEACE!
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JunRN
09-29 01:29 AM
If USCIS waste another 11,000 visas this year...it is equivalent to one year visas for one country (9,800 EB visas per country per year)....can you imagine that?
The problem is compounded because applicants who supposedly got the visa this year would get the visa allocation from FY2008. That visa number could have been yours....or mine....
The problem is compounded because applicants who supposedly got the visa this year would get the visa allocation from FY2008. That visa number could have been yours....or mine....
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miguy
12-19 10:41 AM
..We cannot say things like exploitation or make the employers feel ...This is feed for the anti immigratin lobby..You put up stuff like this and they start painting you as their poster boy to show why the whole H1B program should be abolished......If we do conduct a strike ..it would cause no disruption at all..Frankly nobody is indispensible...Striking is equivalent of biting the had that feeds us...
Well, one or two of us are dispensible but if unite in our effort, then we definitely become indespensible....did we really make an impact by making those thousands of phone calls for the lame duck?.....the fact is that an average american doesn't give a ***** about whether we get our green cards or not because they don't even know our pains.....and the government has too many other trivial and not so trivial issues to deal with than worry about us......lobbying is a good idea but we are still not getting the attention we should be getting......do you think they can really abolish the h1b program?.......foreign workers have become the veins and arteries of these companies and unless until you stop the blood supply, no body is going to even notice.......the dependency on foreign workers is more today that it was a decade ago just because of the sheer volume.
Well, one or two of us are dispensible but if unite in our effort, then we definitely become indespensible....did we really make an impact by making those thousands of phone calls for the lame duck?.....the fact is that an average american doesn't give a ***** about whether we get our green cards or not because they don't even know our pains.....and the government has too many other trivial and not so trivial issues to deal with than worry about us......lobbying is a good idea but we are still not getting the attention we should be getting......do you think they can really abolish the h1b program?.......foreign workers have become the veins and arteries of these companies and unless until you stop the blood supply, no body is going to even notice.......the dependency on foreign workers is more today that it was a decade ago just because of the sheer volume.
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Green.Tech
06-22 10:57 AM
Bump.
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Green.Tech
06-09 11:32 AM
Bump.
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jungalee43
04-29 06:50 PM
Senator Scott Brown (R-Massachusetts) - left voice mail
Senator Judd Gregg (R-New Hampshire) - left voice mail
Senator Richard Lugar (R-Indiana) -left voice mail
Senator Michael Enzi (R-Wyoming) - left voice mail
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina) - it was not on my print out. But would call right away.
Senator John Ensign (R-Nevada) - Spoke with staff. Could not escape noticing her "sigh" when I mentioned CIR. She asked if I was from Nevada. I said no. But still she patientely took my message. She said there was no official statement yet from the senator and would not tell his position.
Senator Orin Hatch (R-Utah) - engage. Nothing happened.
Senator John Cornyn (R-Texas) - You must call during office hours. Cannot leave voice mail.
Senator John Kyl (R-Texas) - left voice mail
Senator Mitch Mcconnell (R-Kentuky) - engage
Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-Minnesota) - Voice mail
Senator Claire McCaskill (D-Missouri) - Mail box full !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Senator Jon Tester (D-Montana) - left voice mail
Senator Jim Webb (D-Virginia) - left voice mail
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-Rhode Island) - left voice mail. Here you hear prompt both in English as well as Spanish before you get the beep of the voice mail.
In every message I mentioned my name, address and phone numbers. Will call the Sen. Graham and sponsoring dems now. I will make another round of calls during office hours tomorrow.
And please the Fax link for guests. They should not be able to edit the mesasge. But must enter name and address. I can have at least 100 faxes sent.
Senator Judd Gregg (R-New Hampshire) - left voice mail
Senator Richard Lugar (R-Indiana) -left voice mail
Senator Michael Enzi (R-Wyoming) - left voice mail
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina) - it was not on my print out. But would call right away.
Senator John Ensign (R-Nevada) - Spoke with staff. Could not escape noticing her "sigh" when I mentioned CIR. She asked if I was from Nevada. I said no. But still she patientely took my message. She said there was no official statement yet from the senator and would not tell his position.
Senator Orin Hatch (R-Utah) - engage. Nothing happened.
Senator John Cornyn (R-Texas) - You must call during office hours. Cannot leave voice mail.
Senator John Kyl (R-Texas) - left voice mail
Senator Mitch Mcconnell (R-Kentuky) - engage
Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-Minnesota) - Voice mail
Senator Claire McCaskill (D-Missouri) - Mail box full !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Senator Jon Tester (D-Montana) - left voice mail
Senator Jim Webb (D-Virginia) - left voice mail
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-Rhode Island) - left voice mail. Here you hear prompt both in English as well as Spanish before you get the beep of the voice mail.
In every message I mentioned my name, address and phone numbers. Will call the Sen. Graham and sponsoring dems now. I will make another round of calls during office hours tomorrow.
And please the Fax link for guests. They should not be able to edit the mesasge. But must enter name and address. I can have at least 100 faxes sent.
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Edison99
10-22 09:52 AM
Thanks for nice info!
My application was filed under PERM EB2 on May 12th and it got approved on Sep 2nd. Filed I-140 under premium processing yesterday. My attorney has requested earlier priority date (June 2003, EB3) while filing EB2 I-140. He said, once I-140 is approved and priority date porting is done, I-485 may be approved automatically. If not approved for a period of time (say a month or so), interfiling may be requested.
My application was filed under PERM EB2 on May 12th and it got approved on Sep 2nd. Filed I-140 under premium processing yesterday. My attorney has requested earlier priority date (June 2003, EB3) while filing EB2 I-140. He said, once I-140 is approved and priority date porting is done, I-485 may be approved automatically. If not approved for a period of time (say a month or so), interfiling may be requested.
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danu2007
07-13 04:33 PM
I already sent Certified letters to Minnesota Senators..
State Rep - Erik Paulsen
State Senator - David Hann
US Rep - Jim Ramstad
US Senator - Amy Klobuchar
US Senator - Norm Coleman
State Rep - Erik Paulsen
State Senator - David Hann
US Rep - Jim Ramstad
US Senator - Amy Klobuchar
US Senator - Norm Coleman
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Caliber
03-04 12:25 PM
do have your 140 approved?
My case is also with TSC with 140 approved and there is absolutely no change in the message. There is not even a soft LUD in any of our cases.
My case is also with TSC with 140 approved and there is absolutely no change in the message. There is not even a soft LUD in any of our cases.
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ind_game
05-19 04:54 PM
FINAL UPDATE
HURRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
My I-485 case got reopened after being in denial status for three months............ My attorney got a letter from USCIS.
::::::::::::::::::To recap::::::::::::::
I went to the Congressional office on 05/14/2009 morning.
Congressional office made a call to Nebraska Service Center regarding the case on the same day afternoon (05/14/2009 afternoon)
USCIS sent letter to my attorney on Friday (05/15/2009).
My attorney received it this morning (05/19/2009).
Looks like magic........Whoever has been working on my case from the past three months made a huge reversal decision in just a few hours on 05/14/2009 afternoon with atmost attention........I like this sudden surge in commitment and care on my case.......
Here is the wording:
Quote""""""""""""""""""""""""
Reference is made to the Notice of Appeal or Motion (Form I-290B) filed on April 23, 2009. You are seeking reopen the decision rendered by USCIS on February 17, 2009, denying application filed by you.
The motion as submitted has been reviewed. It meets the requirements of Title 8, COde of Federal Regulations, $103.5 concerning the proper filing of a motion. Accordingly, the request to reopen the previous decision will be and is hereby granted.
The facts and issues in this matter were properly discussed in the decision, supra, and need not be repeated here as they are a matter of record.
After a complete review of the record of proceedings, including your motion, the grounds for denial have been overcome.
The application will be reopened and the processing continued. Once the processing is completed, you will receive a notice under separate cover.
Sincerely
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Unquote
HURRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
My I-485 case got reopened after being in denial status for three months............ My attorney got a letter from USCIS.
::::::::::::::::::To recap::::::::::::::
I went to the Congressional office on 05/14/2009 morning.
Congressional office made a call to Nebraska Service Center regarding the case on the same day afternoon (05/14/2009 afternoon)
USCIS sent letter to my attorney on Friday (05/15/2009).
My attorney received it this morning (05/19/2009).
Looks like magic........Whoever has been working on my case from the past three months made a huge reversal decision in just a few hours on 05/14/2009 afternoon with atmost attention........I like this sudden surge in commitment and care on my case.......
Here is the wording:
Quote""""""""""""""""""""""""
Reference is made to the Notice of Appeal or Motion (Form I-290B) filed on April 23, 2009. You are seeking reopen the decision rendered by USCIS on February 17, 2009, denying application filed by you.
The motion as submitted has been reviewed. It meets the requirements of Title 8, COde of Federal Regulations, $103.5 concerning the proper filing of a motion. Accordingly, the request to reopen the previous decision will be and is hereby granted.
The facts and issues in this matter were properly discussed in the decision, supra, and need not be repeated here as they are a matter of record.
After a complete review of the record of proceedings, including your motion, the grounds for denial have been overcome.
The application will be reopened and the processing continued. Once the processing is completed, you will receive a notice under separate cover.
Sincerely
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Unquote
gc_chahiye
07-24 10:00 AM
I applied for PERM in Sep 2006 - EB3 - India.
I applied for I-140 and I-485 concurrently in Jun 2007.
on what date in June? Were you one of the July 2 filers? Because you were
not current in June, had you applied, your I-485 would be rejected.
I-140 got approved July 20, 2007 and on July 23, 2007 I received all 4 receipts for I-140, I-485, EAD and AP.
Lawyers emailed saying they also received the EAD card yesterday July 23, 2007.
no July filer has received a receipt for any filing, forget about getting an EAD within 2 weeks.
I-140 premium processing was stopped in July, and in regular NSC has been taking 6-8 months.
Nothing in your story is adding up...
I applied for I-140 and I-485 concurrently in Jun 2007.
on what date in June? Were you one of the July 2 filers? Because you were
not current in June, had you applied, your I-485 would be rejected.
I-140 got approved July 20, 2007 and on July 23, 2007 I received all 4 receipts for I-140, I-485, EAD and AP.
Lawyers emailed saying they also received the EAD card yesterday July 23, 2007.
no July filer has received a receipt for any filing, forget about getting an EAD within 2 weeks.
I-140 premium processing was stopped in July, and in regular NSC has been taking 6-8 months.
Nothing in your story is adding up...
xyzgc
02-08 01:50 PM
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
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